I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
