sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
