It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
