Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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