margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
