I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
