so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
