I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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