Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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