you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
