dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
