so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
