Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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