i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
