Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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