guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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