last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
