We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
