I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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