Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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