she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
