She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
