Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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