I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
