Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
