I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
