just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
