Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
