It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
