I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
