Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
