when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
