I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
