i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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