chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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