mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Swine flu is the new snow day.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
