sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
