Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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