The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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