i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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