Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He passed out mid-signature
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
