Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
