By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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