Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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