Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
