You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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