Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
