i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
