Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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