I hate your face
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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