I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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