Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
