I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
