she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
